Reconciling Differences

I have a habit of running through a line of thought, trying to understand it completely. Sometimes that can mean that I sound like I am espousing something that I don't really believe. What is really going on is that I assemble information about a subject by talking about it, thinking about it and trying to understand the paradigm where that information was generated. One such instance came back to haunt me recently as I managed to estrange a friend of mine converting to Catholicism. I respect this friend very much and my comments about the Pope and the Orthodox view of the Great Schism left my friend thinking that I regard Catholicism very unfavorably. I originally didn't know what to do about this so I just decided to come out and talk to her about it.

The Orthodox contention with the Catholic Church has to do with two major issues, Papal authority and the Nicean Creed. In the creed the words "and the Son" were added in an attempt to strengthen the creed against heresy. The major issue was that this addition was done in the West and the bishops of the east didn't approve it and claimed that an Ecumenical Council was necessary to change the creed. No such council was called and several Popes in Rome(and in Avignon) tried to force the usage of their modified creed using Papal authority. The Orthodox in the East did not recognize the Papal See as having the authority to change the creed and resisted those Popes who pressed the issue. It was not simply a theological split however that isolated the Roman Catholics from the Eastern Churches. Geography and politics drove larger wedges between the two churches. The Catholics were not so pleased about getting minimal help from the East to defend against attacking barbarians and the Orthodox didn't really enjoy the Crusades being used to ransack and steal from Orthodox churches in the East. The two sides of the former Roman Empire drifted apart and the Catholic West and Orthodox East began to develop Christendom in isolation of each other. I am probably sympathetic to the Orthodox view of things because being raised in the West I tend to look at my own roots more critically. I am sure that the Catholic understanding of the Schism is more favorably to their side -- such is the nature of polemic historical accounts.

I used to have a poor image of what Catholicism was, partially through ignorance, but also because of an iconoclastic Protestant tradition which viewed Mariology and the veneration of icons as idol worship. If anything, my encounter with Orthodoxy has given me a greater appreciation for Catholicism and a genuine interest in how Christianity is expressed in that church. I don't pretend that all Christians in Orthodoxy are doing it right and I would expect that there are Catholics, Protestants, Jews and others who have found a right relationship with God. I have no way of knowing the souls and inner thoughts of others, I leave that for God. I can only work on myself and hope, God willing, that my life is a true representation of my faith.

So friends, if I offend you, I apologize. I don't mean to call you out or offend. If I am brash, it is probably for poor reason. If I am wrong, correct me. If you disagree, tell me. I am open to what others have to say. That doesn't mean I will change my mind if I feel I am right, but most likely I am just expressing my thoughts poorly and I should be more careful.

On humility...

On Humility was the title of the passage I read today from "Dorotheos of Gaza: Discourses and Sayings". Dorotheos uses many examples of both pride and humility to show humility as a virtue worth striving towards. It should be noted that when one reads a book like this one assumes that the audience for the book is one interested in pursuing Christianity. I would not expect that someone who cares nothing for the Christian way of life to find Dorotheos's teachings on humility to be useful. Anyway, Dorotheos talks about different types of pride. One can be proud of their status in society, their wealth and material possessions, their ability to eschew wealth and possessions and also any other ability that a person can possess or exercise. The danger in this is a tendency to exalt oneself over others. When one becomes proud they change their view of the world, they reorder it. Dorotheos speaks of a man who being a Christian began to espouse a certain view and because of that view he began to question the worthiness of Christians in authority above him. After having dismissed the authority of those above him he dismissed the usefulness of many saints who were revered at that time. Having dismissed the saints he also questioned the teachings of Peter and Paul and other Apostles. And then after discarding the teachings of the Apostles he abandoned his faith in God. I don't believe this passage says we should blindly accept what we are taught and blindly follow those teachings, but rather we should not be so proud as to believe we can just discard what is taught because we know better.

I have fallen into the same morass as Dorotheos describes many times. I let my pride sometimes lead me into believing things, not because they are right, but because I think they are right. I am reminded of Socrates a lot as I try to become a better Christian. He was both proud and humble. He enjoyed argument and debate, he loved to catch someone in a web of words, but he was quick to temper his enthusiasm for knowledge with the fact that he only knew one thing -- that he knew nothing. I know nothing, despite my desire to know everything I can -- I know nothing. When this is applied to my spiritual life I have to concede to God that all that I have is His. My life, my breath, my words are just borrowed.

For Carrie

My wife told me that her friend was asking if I was feeling more spiritual as I try to fast for Lent. My first thought is that it is a little boastful for me to claim some greater spirituality from anything I do. If anything trying to observe Lent just tells me all the ways I manage to not observe the fast, and how if I wanted I could be more strict in my observance. I read recently that Orthodox spiritual practice exists in a continuum (I think this was in the Mathewes-Green book I am reading). What she means is that as you practice you take on new ways to express your spirituality and that is okay in orthodoxy. I was talking with a couple people at my Church recently about how some people make the sign of the Cross and bow touching the ground, while others just sweep their hands low. I have not seen anyone go up to any other person at a service and tell them that they need to do it another way however.

This kinda reminds me of when I first attended Holy Resurrection around 10 years ago. I remember being in the Church and watching everyone. I would sit and write in my journal during service because I didn't know what to do. The way the service was conducted, the way people moved, the attitude of the parishioners was completely foreign to me. I felt standoffish toward the icons and I was stuck in my protestant mindset that these images were somehow devilish. I felt compelled by an expression of Christianity that was completely strange to me and at the same time my familiar expectations of spiritual expression were challenged. For me that experience of being challenged and compelled attracts me to Orthodoxy and that mode of Christian practice.

A more direct, but still obtuse, answer to Carrie's question is this: When I graduated from college I didn't feel like I knew more than when I had begun, but I did have a realization of the scope of knowledge there is to be learned. So as Socrates might say, I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance[in ways of spirituality and wisdom].

Keeping something for yourself

Paula, Fr. Patrick's wife, lead the Orthodoxy class I attend last Saturday. She said something that struck me. She mentioned that we should keep part of our spiritual life private, that we should not leave it open for all. I don't think I had thought about that before. Her analogy, which she borrowed, was that of a rich man who doesn't carry all of his riches with him but rather a portion so that if he is robbed everything is not taken from him. I don't know how far that analogy will stretch, but I think it is a good one.

As I struggle to work out my spiritual path, and try to describe what I feel and believe, it does not compare to my spiritual experience. I don't believe I can do justice to personal moments of spiritual clarity and simpleness and I fear trying to do so will tarnish those experiences which iI desire to keep close to me, in their full ineffable glory. We all have individual experiences of spirituality, whether it be small or large, and those experiences are for us alone. I do believe there is a community experience of faith as well however. I think that is the purpose of the Church, and in other religions the Synagogue, and temples. We, as Christians, are told that when two or more of us gather together, Christ is with us. This is not a magic trick, but rather a divine revelation. In this formula, the Bible talks about the power of Community, the need for others as you strengthen your faith. Christ is made manifest through the interactions of those who believe in him.

So with these two ideas, the closeting of ones spirituality and the community expression of it, one has two modes of experiencing God. One mode is the hidden way, the secret expression of God where we approach him with silence and awe. Think of Moses on Sinai, as he removed his sandals in reverence and pleaded to see God, his eyes slowly lifting to catch a glimpse of the Almighty as He passed. This sight was for Moses alone. None of those waiting at the base of the mountain had this experience, and it would not have benefited them. But for Moses, he desired it and God allowed Moses' that glimpse into His Glory and as a consequence Moses face shone like the sun. The tribes of Israel could not even look at Moses' face as he came down from the mountain because it shone so brightly after his experience of God. One's personal revelation of God is incomprehensible to others. But the other mode allows us common ground. The public revelation of God is recounted in the Torah as well. Moses brought down the Law for the community. God gave the Law to the people of Israel, as a gift, for all of them. The Law was the revealed Word of God, telling them how to live that they might assemble themselves into a priestly nation, an example for all nations not of the might of the Israelites, but of the God who had chosen them. This revelation was for all who would accept it, while the Israelites didn't proselytize, one could choose to be bound to the Law and be counted with the Israelite nation. When God revealed Himself, He chose those to whom the revelation was made, but He made His Law open for all who would accept it. And accepting the Word of God would be the foundation of a personal and secret revelation of God.

Diffusing stupidity

A few days ago, Nicole and I had a pretty big fight. Looking back it was about stupid stuff. What snapped me out of the anger was looking at my son. As his parents gave each other the silent treatment, he needed someone to hold him. I picked him up, still feeling the tension and obstinance of my fight with my wife.

Almost instantly, my bad feelings, my anger, my self-righteous need to win were wiped from me. I apologized to Asher for acting the way I did and then I apologized to Nicole.

Had Asher not been around, I may have stormed around in my upset mood for the rest of the night. I thank God that my son was there to help me diffuse my stupidity.

Do we want happiness?

Let me first say that I have no intention of developing this thought fully in this post. I think it is sort of naive to think that I ever could develop it fully. That being said...

Aristotle talks about how to be happy; self-help plans talk about how to be happy; apparently(according to my friend Vlad) Bhutan has a happiness index to measure their "national" happiness. Tons of people claim to be able to help you become happy. A lot of people complain about how they are not happy. Many just think we don't understand happiness.

My question is really, "Do we want happiness?"

Is it worthwhile to pursue? If we pursue happiness, will we ever find it?

I think that in some ways, we have a poor cultural definition of what happiness is. I mean really, for americans the standard definition of happiness is, in a word, MORE. More what? Anything, anything that our culture has devised as worth pursuing. Maybe that means new shoes or a better car or a bigger house. The point is there is always something else to be acquired. The American culture (and probably others) have attempted to monetize happiness. But then what about poor people? Can that just not afford happiness. What sort of goal for humanity would rest upon the development of economic institutions in order to be fulfilled?

I am not saying that communism makes people any happier. In order to make communism work in large societies you have to eliminate differences between people so that they can be treated "equally". In the Soviet Union those eliminations were just that, eliminations of people. I daresay that happiness is hardly worth having if it means that a few million others must die so that you might be happy.

So maybe happiness is not a goal, maybe it is a byproduct. Maybe happiness should not be a goal. Happiness is an ephemeral little bird which when you try to catch it, it flies away. But, when you have something better to do, it lands on your shoulder. I know, that description is trite, but I don't think it is too far off the mark. Think to yourself, what makes you happier, trying to be happy or doing something else well.

I wholly admit that I can't "make" anyone happy. I don't believe you make yourself happy either. I do believe you can make yourself miserable however by trying to become happier.

Lent Is coming, and so is Passover, etc.

This morning on the train I read regarding the Lenten fast:

We don't even get to feel self-righteous about his discipline. Orthodoxy is clear that salvation can't be bought; any good deed we do are just tools to bring us in to deeper yieldedness, repentance and gratitude.

I think this typifies the spirit of the fast. As one observing, we use the fast to become closer to God, we deny ourselves a physical pleasure as a sacrifice. Though we know that no sacrifice is complete, we cannot attain the perfection God desires, except by His Grace.

Passover is coming as well. In fact, it falls during Holy Week, which is the last week of the fast. I was struggling with this last night. My wife would like to celebrate Passover this year, for Asher. She wants to celebrate the Jewish holidays to give him a sense of Judaism. She, though Jewish, has not practiced and doesn't have a lot of ideas as to where to start. My struggle is that I am Christian, not Jewish. How can the Jewish holy days be valuable for me, when I am not Jewish? This morning I thought, Jesus was a Jew. He celebrated Passover, his last meal with His disciples was a Passover meal.

The Orthodox Church transformed the Last Supper into the Eucharist. I suppose an Orthodox person would say that Christ transformed it; we simply observe that ritual. I know that Israel, as a people, went before us Christians. They laid the framework for my faith. I believe that the God I bow to is the same God that spoke with Abraham, Isaac, Moses, Elijah, David, and all the other great people of Israelite history. I also believe that many Jews followed Jesus because they saw in him a fulfillment of prophecies about a coming Messiah.

I realize that I can help my wife celebrate Passover, but for me it is a remembrance of Christ and those before Him who listened to God and broke with their own personal Egypt in search of a promise, a promise that in my faith leads to Christ.

Is this syncretistic? I dunno, I don't think so. I don't believe Judaism and Christianity are that far apart. I understand that an Orthodox Priest would say that Judaism has no Grace, that the Spirit of God inhabits the Church. Even if that is true, which my Church claims, the beliefs are not so much at odds. It is true that Judaism now, does not recognize Jesus as Messiah, but the values of Judaism are similar to Christianity. They cherish one God, as I do. And as I said, Jesus was Jewish. Many 1st century Christians were Jewish. When people study the 1st century they name Christianity as a Jewish sect. The Christians of the time still worshipped in synagogues and until the destruction of the Temple they honored God there. Had it not been for the Diaspora, there may have been more Jewish Christians. As for Christianity, Orthodoxy seems to me to be the most Jewish of the denominations. There is even a menorah in the sanctuary. The Orthodox concept of sin is more Jewish than Catholic. The idea that what we know of God is what He has revealed to us is both Jewish and Orthodox. Really, the significant schism between the Orthodox and Jews is that the Orthodox believe that Jesus was revealed as God, a hypostasis of the Godhead to use the technical term. And as God, Jesus revealed the person of the Holy Spirit. With these two revelations the doctrine of the Trinity has been formed. It is important to know that no Orthodox believe there are three Gods, there is One, who exists in three persons. One can try to understand it all they want, but that was what was revealed. Humans are not intended to understand the Trinity, but to know it is there.

The Great Lent

Lent for the Orthodox Church begins on Monday the 10th. Traditionally, the two weeks prior to Lent are called Meatfare and Cheesefare weeks. These weeks you use up all the meat and cheese you have in your home so that it is out of the house by the beginning of Lent. I did not do this, I only figured this custom out this year, and I managed to miss that last 3 successive Sundays at Church. Either way, I plan on observing Lent so I am starting to modify my diet now so that my body will not be shocked as the fast begins. I have never observed the fast in the past. I remember when I was at KCC I would think about Lent, setting aside a week or so to challenge my self spiritually, but I didn't fast, I didn't observe the fullness of Lent. As such, I didn't understand the purpose of Lent. Now I think I am beginning to see its value.

Lent is a time of pulling oneself back to basics. You cut out all the extraneous parts of your life so that you can direct your heart and mind to God. But not just that, you offer your fast as a living sacrifice. The Church asks us to refrain from eating meat(eggs included), dairy, oil(specifically olive oil), and wine. Some places generalize olive oil to all cooking oils and some make wine mean all alcohol. For any given day sticking to this fast might not be so difficult, but the Great Lent Fast is 40 days, plus the 8 of Holy Week.

Many years ago, my friend Julian and I decided to find out what it is like to be vegetarian, so we had Veguary. In that month, we did not eat meet and in the middle of the month we went vegan for a week. The rest of the month was fine, I could always fall back on cheese, but that week trying to be vegan was hard. I just always felt hungry. Looking back I didn't prepare properly. I didn't think about what I could actually eat, so I just ate what was nearby, and that was sparse. I intend to prepare for my Lenten fast more appropriately. I will bring fruit and vegetables to work with me and I will have to think up some meals for home that Nicole will like and will fit my fast. Of course I will probably still cook normally for her.

During the fast I plan on focusing my spirit toward God. I am going to be reading "Facing East" which talks of a woman who converted to Orthodoxy as an adult. If I finish that I may move to something more austere, like "Dorotheos of Gaza". My goal is to overcome my dependence on food to fill my time or alter my mood. I have clearly enjoyed food more than I should and have used it for comfort rather than sustenance. I am praying that God will help me during my fast to change my eating habits in the long term. I have become unhealthy bodily, and it has been affecting me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I wish to become a better steward of what God has blessed me with, and perhaps become a strong role model for my son who can learn the role of will and resolution in meeting one's goals. But also to learn that one can ask for help from others, God included, to achieve one's goals